She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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