dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
