i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
