She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
