I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
