no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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