This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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