just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
