We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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