i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
