her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
