I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
