Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
