Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
