I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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