um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
