just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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