Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
