Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
