I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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