I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
