You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
