idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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