just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
