If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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