I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
