Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
