I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
