Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
