i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize