She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
