dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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