her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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