go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
is it fun? or sober?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
