I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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