Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
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