woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize