yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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