First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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