i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I touched a dick in church today
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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