I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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