i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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