She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
