I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
