Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize