: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
