And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
