Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
