Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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