Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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