Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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