Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
