how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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