Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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