Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
