I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
