the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
