Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
