The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
