I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i think i just lost a toe
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize